Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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