would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
