call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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