PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
