11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
