don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
