Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
