So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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