I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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