I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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