Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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