She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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