I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
