Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
