I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nicole vs. Life
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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