I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
