Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
you're hired as official boob wrangler
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
