i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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