so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
