All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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