You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
