just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
