There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's blow job season.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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