where am i from again
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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