apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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