hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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