She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
