I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
