In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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