I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
