ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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