she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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