So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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