physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize