When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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