How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
soo... how was my night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
