Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize