I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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