Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
