sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
