Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
