can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
