You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
