I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
