i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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