she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
