how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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