once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
