I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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