i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
