if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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