my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
PANTIES FOUND
Pooping to opera.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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