I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
