You're my little dorito
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
