You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
