He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
