did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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