I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
