you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
