oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
