I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
