I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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