Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize