See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
