i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
