Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
