He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This can only be settled by a dance off.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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