Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
